Stop Outsourcing Your Life
The quiet power of choosing for yourself
Dear You,
When I chose to leave the USA for parts unknown, plenty thought I wasn’t wise. Some even said I had “a screw loose.”
If I had listened, I’d still be living a life that wasn’t mine. Maybe warmer, yes, but not true to me. Instead, I filed those opinions under “someone else’s thoughts.”
I could have listened to what society told me I should do “at my age”: stop, retire, get some knitting needles, and just wait for the inevitable. But that’s not living. That’s existing. And I didn’t come this far to simply exist.
I hear this far too often: “I don’t feel like I’m me.”
It makes sense. When we hand our choices over to others:partners, parents, bosses, even society itself we end up living by their map, not our own. And then one day, we look around and wonder why nothing feels like home.
When we arrived on this planet, we were blank slates. We learned to walk, talk, and try new things by taking action guided, yes, but ultimately through our own steps.
And along the way… lessons were learned.
As teenagers, choices came with advice from parents, teachers,and friends. Sometimes we listened. Sometimes we didn’t. Either way, the decision was ours.
And again …lessons were learned.
By the time we become adults, you’d think we’d “know enough.” But really, those early decisions were only the beginning. Life keeps unfolding, and the lessons keep coming.
At some point we face a choice:
Outsource our decisions, letting others tell us to turn left or right. The problem is those directions are filtered through their desires. Not ours.
Or… take ownership. Step into the full weight of our own choices. Even when they scare the dickens out of us. Especially then.
Because here’s the thing: when you keep outsourcing your decisions, you never really learn the lesson. It becomes too easy to say, “Well, they told me to do it this way.”
That might let you off the hook for a moment, but it also robs you of the muscle you need most, the muscle of self-trust.
And the only way to build it is to choose for yourself.
Decision by decision, you begin to hear your own voice again. With time, you’ll feel your own needs and desires, unmasked at last. Because when you’re living by someone else’s choices, you’ll never quite feel like yourself.
This week’s theme is Self-Trust. On Friday, I’ll share a deeper reflection on how to begin rebuilding it.
Still here,
Carolyn